A Date With Doctor Evil
by Rhianwen
Summary: A Magical Melodies fic. From the moment she awoke, screaming, to an intense pain in the place where her fingers used to be, Nekobee knew that this would not be a good day. Warning: fairly graphic violence.


A Date With Doctor Evil

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Summary: From the moment she awoke, screaming, to an intense pain in the place where her fingers used to be, Nekobee knew that this would not be a good day.

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Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, and somehow I suspect they'd like me more for this one than for some of the weird crap I've done. XD  
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Harmony McPumkinpie, known also as Nekobee, gave a strangled gurgle that couldn't quite develop into a scream as she was torn from a deep, chloroform-induced sleep by a blinding, sickening pain in the place that her fingers used to be.

Mouth like dry cotton and full very likely of just that, she choked and gagged, eyes rolling back into her head, and struggled to focus her attention away from her hands. With a tremendous effort, she lifted her head very slightly and took a quick look around the room.

Dark, sterile, and lit by one dimming, naked light bulb overhead.

She tried to sit up further, and her breath caught as she met resistance in the form of thick leather straps, extending across her shoulders, over her torso, at her knees, and across each wrist and ankle.

If she squinted a little, though…

An overwhelming wave of nausea hit her as she managed to catch a glimpse of her left hand, wrapped thickly in gauze, staining vividly red.

_Okay_, she thought at the back of her mind, with the tiny corner that remained untroubled by the blind panic that was occupying the rest of it as her pixie-sticks and Pocky made an immediate revisitation and trickled, with nowhere else to go thanks to the cotton shoved into her mouth, down her cheek. _The crimson torrents of my angst are one thing, but that is really, really gross._

"Oh, we're awake, are we?" a voice greeted cheerfully from the door.

"Who's there?" she tried to demand, only to end up choking again.

Then, abruptly, the gag was ripped from her mouth, taking a good layer or two of skin off her tongue and the insides of her cheeks with it. Her pained squeal melted into sputtering and retching, and with a little chuckle, the unseen newcomer turned her head gently to the side and held out a bucket.

"There, now. You wouldn't want to get messy. I know how important _appearances_ are to you."

"Who are you?" she demanded weakly, tugging at the straps.

A face moved into view. Nekobee gasped.

"Alex!"

The Flowerbud Village doctor! The hottest bachelor in Magical Melodies! And he was here! But how? Had she been sucked into the game? Written herself into a fanfiction?

It didn't matter.

All that mattered was that he was here, and it was only a matter of time before he became awed by her incredible beauty, and they got married, and had seven children, and lived happily ever after.

At least, until she decided she liked Bob better.

After all, Alex was boring. But he was _hawt_, and that was all any reasonable girl could really ask for. And he was a doctor. And she was in rather desperate need of a doctor right now.

"Did—did Gina do this to me?" she asked, voice quivering and making her sound just pitiful enough to be alluring (somehow). "I'll bet you fell madly in love with me, and she went crazy with jealousy, and kidnapped me and—"

"SHUT UP!"

Nekobee couldn't jump, but jerked a little in her restraints at his angry bark. Eyes wild, mouth set in something vaguely resembling a snarl, he turned abruptly away from the table and paced.

"_Gina_ is not the problem here. _She_ isn't the one who makes a hobby of maligning sweet, beautiful, innocent, wonderful young women just to bolster herself in her own disgustingly narrow and selfish view. Do you recall _her_ telling anyone that they ought to rot alone because _she_ deemed them unworthy of love?"

"Um…"

"I also don't recall her plotting assassination attempts of other women, just because she can't take a little competition the old-fashioned way. As I recall, _you_ were the one to misrepresent and warp the poor girl into something she'll never be, because you _know_ that if you were ever compared to Gina as she actually is, you would lose, and badly."

"A-assassination?"

His eyes blazed down at her, mouth twisted scornfully.

"Yess, Miss Nekobee, _a-assassination_. I found your body of work, and I read your multiple accounts of my sweet Gina's painful and unnecessarily gory death."

"Those were my stories! She was trying to keep us apart! She _had_ to fall off the cliff and smash her head on a rock, and be shot by Terry, and--" Her frantic explanation melted off into a pained squeal as he brought a fist forcefully down on her bloodied and de-fingered hands. "Alex! That _hurt_!"

"I think that was the idea," he said with a pleasantness rather like chocolate pudding laced with cyanide. "If you're going to spread lies and plot to harm other girls, shouldn't you expect the same treatment in return?"

"But I—"

"She is _not_ ugly, spiteful, jealous, vindictive, petty, or selfish. _You_, on the other hand, _are_ spiteful, jealous, vindictive, petty, and selfish. And quite frankly," he added with a sinister little smirk, eyes sweeping up and down her bloodied hands and vomit-stained face and clothing, hair matted with sweat, "I've seen better."

"And—and that's why she cut off my fingers?"

"No, Ms. Nekobee, that's why _I_ cut off your fingers," he corrected cheerfully, beamingly good-natured once more. "I thought it might improve your writing a little."

"But I can't write at all like this!" she wailed. Oh, all those WIPs that would go unfinished…all those Beautiful City-Girls with Twagic Pasts that would forever remain untold…

"I don't think the world is missing much," the doctor said gently.

Nekobee gasped.

"I'll bet _she_ made you do this! Oh, Alex, that terrible, ugly woman is threatening you! Or she has you under an evil spell, cast by the powers of darkness drawn from glasses and being the default love interest of the guy I kinda like!"

Alex's eyes narrowed.

"You don't learn, do you?"

"Wh-what are those for?" Nekobee whimpered pitifully as he picked up a pair of what appeared to be badly rusted hedgeclippers.

He gave a self-deprecating laugh and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"I'm afraid I've misplaced my scalpel, and this is all I have on hand at the moment. Without Gina here to keep me organized, I'm a bit of a mess."

As the dark-haired man leaned over her, weapon brandished, she gave a dramatic, wrenching scream, rather unwisely, as it gave him ample opportunity to seize her tongue between two latex-gloved fingers.

Her screams turned from frantic to pained as another wave of searing, redhot agony swept over her, and for a moment, she could have sworn that she could hear someone pleading with the madman to stop. She felt something warm and thick dribbling down the side of her face, felt the edges of reality blurring around her mind…

…and then felt nothing at all.

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Gina stopped short as she came to the bottom of the steps leading down into the Clinic's tiny cellar.

A struggling shape on the metal examination table, still uttering the shrieks that brought her hurrying down here in the first place.

The girl's hands wrapped thickly in gauze, stained in dried, browned blood with spots of bright red still seeping through.

The little bowl perched proudly on the lab bench, half-filled with water, ice and detached fingers floating about lazily.

The tall, lanky form of the doctor, bending over his patient, pinning the poor creature in place with one forearm and forcing her mouth open with the other, reaching in with a pair of bloodied clippers…

"Doctor! Stop it!" the little nurse pleaded, bolting forward.

As she approached him, one arm shot up to bar her and shove her back. She stumbled, struggling to catch her balance, and seconds later, he straightened up, leaving a yowling shape on the table, face splattered in blood. The cries grew weak and raspy, and then drifted off, as the girl fell back against the examination table, unconscious.

Gina backed up instinctively as the doctor moved towards her with a wide smile of welcome. She swallowed desperately around the lump in her throat and the choking sensation of terror.

"What did you do?"

Alex laughed, his face lighting up with the inner radiance of a job well done.

"I was just doing my part to increase the average IQ and maturity level of the internet."

"W-what?"

He stroked her face gently, and she fought not to flinch away.

"This girl has been both writing and saying some very unkind things about you. And I think she's been plotting your death. I wasn't prepared to listen to any more."

"Doctor!" she wailed, noticing only on the periphery of her mind a slight pang of guilt as his expression grew despondent and lost and she began to feel strangely like a pet owner, kicking her adorable, enthusiastic, affectionate, hyperactive little puppy that had just proudly presented her with the corpse of the neighbour's cat as a token of his puppy love. "She was only a fanfiction author! Nothing they write has a lasting effect on us! I just had to bring in the stunt double to stage my death, and everything would have been fine!"

"Fine?" he repeated with a laugh of disbelief. "Do you know what it's been doing to me, watching you die every time some pimply-faced, mentally deficient teenager with the internet decides to act on her grudge against glasses?"

Gina gulped back a knot gathering in her throat, both at the sharp scent of blood filling the air and at the anger and pain in the doctor's eyes.

"T-thank, Doctor. I'm honoured that you would go to such lengths to keep me safe. And I suppose the world won't miss one more bad fan-author."

Alex grinned, and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you understand. I just couldn't stand to lose you again. And now, since you're here anyway, Gina, could you give me a hand finishing up? Then we can take the bits to Gwen for her stew, and be down to the pier in time to watch the sunset."

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End Notes: And that's that. Please forgive me; I'm terrible at even the slightest bit of violence, so this was stunningly ungraphic, and even so, managed to utterly suck. But the point, Alex torturing Gina-bashers, is still preserved. :D


End file.
